Metadata
- Author: Cate Hall
- Full Title:: Maybe You’re Not Actually Trying
- Category:: 🗞️Articles
- URL:: https://usefulfictions.substack.com/p/maybe-youre-not-actually-trying?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&triedRedirect=true
- Read date:: 2025-11-16
Highlights
Let’s say that life is divided up into three theaters: work, relationships with others (all kinds) and relationship to self (physical health, introspection, emotional development, all of it). I think it’s the rule, rather than the exception, that people are stuck at an earlier stage of development in at least one area. There is one theater of life where they’re not Actually Trying—where they’re approaching serious problems with the resourcefulness of a teenager, though they are now capable adults. (View Highlight)
It seems like, by default, you are stuck with whatever level of resourcefulness you brought to a problem the first time you encountered it and failed to fix it. (View Highlight)
But the feeling of effort doesn’t mean that you’re Actually Trying. (View Highlight)
Similarly, people who are being selectively agentic often have a kind of faulty sensory appreciation. Perhaps relationships feel hard for you, they take willpower, so it’s tempting to believe that you’re Actually Trying, that you’ve brought the full weight of your genius to bear on the problem. You might even take some pride in the struggle. Like rigid posture, the strain feels like correctness. But struggling is not evidence that you’ve tried everything. To the contrary, the continuous need for willpower may be the sign of a badly-engineered life. (View Highlight)
How do I know I’m Actually Trying? (View Highlight)